\ 






F 

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Price, 25 Cents 



The 

\1 Downfall of 
I Poor Speech 



By 

Kate Alice White 



MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 

208, 210, 212 Wright Ave., LEBANON, OHIO 



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(d) 



The Downfall of 
Poor Speech 



By 

Kate Alice White 




MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers 

208, 210, 212 Wright Ave., LEBANON, OHIO 



5(.-^^ 



.t=^ 



VJsT^^ 



COPYRIGHT, 1920, By 
MARCH BROTHERS 



SEP 2-; 1920 

'CI.0 55582 

TMP92-007528 



The Downfall of Poor Speech 



CHARACTERS 

Queen of the English Language — Ruler of the 

kingdom. 
Beauty — Lady-in-waiting. 
Culture — Lady-in-waiting. 
Refinement — Lady-in-waiting. 
Sir Success — A knight at the court. 
Sir Clear Thinking — A knight at the court. 
General Better Speech — A knight at the court. 
Sir English Grammar — A knight at the court. 
Poor Speech — An outlaw. 
Slang — An outlaw. 
Slovenly Thinking — An outlaw. 
Carelessness — An outlaw. 
General Mistakes — An outlaw. 
As many extra ladies-in-waiting and courtiers as are 

desired. 
Place: In the realm of thought. 
Time: The near future. 

Costumes 

The queen wears a white dress with long train. On 
her head is a crown of gold. 

The ladies-in-waiting are dressed in court dresses 
made of soft material. 

The knights and courtiers are dressed as were the 
courtiers during the time of Sir Walter Raleigh. 

The outlaws are dressed in dark costumes that are 
old and worn. 

3 



4 THE DOWNFALL OF POOR SPEECH 

Scene I 

[As the curtain rises, the Queen of the English 
Language is discovered seated on the throne, sur- 
rounded hy her ladies-in-waiting and courtiers.] 

Queen : This has been the happiest week of my 
life, my people. It seems almost too good to be true 
that' at last the American people are beginning to 
realize what a handicap poor speech is io them, and 
are trying to remedy the evil. 

Culture [curtseying] : It ha.s taken them many 
years to discover it your majesty. 

Queen : You are right, Culture, but now that they 
do realize it, they are doing all in their pow^r to help 
win a victory over Poor Speech. [Enter Sir Success, 
who kneels at the foot of the throne.] What news 
from America, Sir Success? 

• Sir Success: The very best, your majesty. All 
over the country a warfare is being waged against 
our old enemy, Poor Speech. He has been defeated 
in many places and will not be allowed to return, if 
the people can prevent it. 

Queen: I trust that they will be able to keep him 
out. 

Sir Success: They will do all in their power, 
your majesty, but Poor Speech is very powerful and 
wmU do what he can to win them back to their old 
allegiance. [Rises and stands with courtiers.] 

Refinement [curtseying] : Your majesty, isn't 
it splendid to hear such good news? I can scarcely 
wait to hear from the other messengers that have been 
sent out. 

Queen [earnestly] : Let us hope that they, too, 
will be successful. [Enter English Grammar who 
kneels in front of throne.] 



I 



THE DOWNFALL OF POOR SPEECH O 

English Grammar: I have met with unexpected 
success, your majesty. The people are not only will- 
ing to use better speech, but are anxiously waiting 
for the downfall of Poor Speech, who has too long 
blinded them and made them believe that the Eng- 
lish language is not able to express their thoughts, 
but that they must employ slang and pay no atten- 
tion to grammar if they would be successful. [Rises.] 

Queen [rises and speaks very carnesthj] : Oh, my 
people, it. is wonderful ; wonderful that at last the 
eyes of the people are opened and they see their mis- 
take ere it is too late, and we have been driven out 
while Poor Speech becomes more firmly entrenched. 
[Sits down on throne with her chin resting in the 
palm of the hand and a far-away look in her eyes as 
though she were having delightful thoughts.] Never, 
have I heard such news. 

Beauty: It has been worth waiting all these years 
to have such a thing happen, your majesty. 

Queen: You are right, Beauty. Although I have 
at times been tempted to give up the struggle and 
allow Poor Speech to corrupt the language of our 
fathers, something within me has made me fight him 
with all the strength that I possess. Now, that I 
know that the people are willing to aid me in my war- 
fare against him, I am doubly strengthened. There 
shall be no rest for me nor for you, my friends, until 
Poor Speech and others of his kind have been driven 
from America. [Enter General Better Speech and 
Sir Clear Thinking, ivho how deeply to the Queen.] 

General Better Speech: We have been success- 
ful in our mission, your majesty. The people of all 
America are aroused. It will not be long ere Poor 
Speech will be driven forth from the land. 



b . THE DOWNFALL OF POOR SPEECH 

Sir Clear Tphnking : I have just come from 
[name of local ioivn] , your majesty. Never liave I seen 
anything like the reformation that is taking place 'in 
that city. But a few months since, when I walked 
down the street, on every side I heard slang and mis- 
takes in grammar. During the week that I have just 
spent there, I have never had the pleasure of observ- 
ing such a change as has taken place. Especially 
among the children of the [name of local school] is 
there a decided improvement. 

Queen [delightedly] : And do you mean to tell me 
that the people of [uame of local toivn] have banished 
Poor Speech from their city? 

Sir Clear Thinking [sloivly] : No, he is not en- 
tirely banished, your majesty, but the people are 
fighting him hard, and we can only trust that they will 
be successful in their struggle with their old enemy. 

Culture: How sad it seems to think of people 
being under the spell of that wicked creature. 

General Better Speech [hoivs] : Your majesty, 
I believe that the time has now come for us to go 
forth and slay the monster. 

Queen [rises from throne] : Men and women of 
this court, I declare war against Poor Speech. I 
command all lo.yal citizens to take up arms for the 
defense of the English language. Eise, men, and do 
your best to defend our speech ! 

curtain 

Scene II 
[Poor Speech, Slovenly Thinking, Carelessness and 
Slang are discovered seated around a- campfire at rise 
of the curtain.] 

Slovenly Thinking: This is what I call hard 
luck, boys. 



THE DOWNFALL OF POOR SPEECH 7 

CARELt:ssNESs : I sliould Say it is. I don 't see why 
the people weren't satisfied to have us live in their 
midst. I didn't do nothin' to make 'em drive me 
out. 

Slang: Them people's queer guys all right. I 
believe they're gettin'- nutty on Better Speech. 
Slang's good enough for me an' good enough for them 
if they weren't so dippy. 

Poor Speech : There's no use for us to complain. 
But we must get to work and see if when Good Speech 
week is over we can't make them forget all about the 
good resolutions that they made this week. \Enter 
General Mistakes, running. His clothing is torn and 
dusty.] 

Slang: What's the matter with you, old boy? 
You look as though you were running away from 
something. [Ge)icral Mistakes is glancing furtively 
around during this speech.] 

General Mistakes: Well, you'd run, too, if you 
had all the boys and girls of [name of local town] 
after you. I never had such a drubbing in my life 
as that eighth-grade class of the [name of local scJiool] 
gave me. They threatened to do worse if I ever came 
back. But I'll get even, see if I don't! I'll just wait 
till they've forgotten all about Better Speech week 
and then I'll go back, and won't I make them use 
slang and forget all about their grammar! 

Poor Speech: That's the idea, old top. [Sits up 
and leans forward as though listening intently. In 
the distance the sound of approaching voices is heard. 
As the voices grow louder, all jump to their feet.] 

Slovenly Thinking: What do you suppose it is? 

Slang : I dunno. Maybe it's them kids after Gen- 
eral ^Mistakes' scalp. 

General Mistakes [terror stricken] : Oh, don't 
let 'em set me. 



8 THE DOWNFALL OF POOR SPEECH 

Poor Speech [excitedly] : It is the army of the 
English han^agre. Ann yourselvc^s, mvn, for it will 
be a battle to the death. 

General Mistakes: I don't want to fight. AVhy 
they might kill me. [All seize their swords and shields 
except General Mistakes, ivho tries to find a hiding 
place] 

Better Speech [enters, followed hy ihe knights 
and courtiers of the queen's court] : I demand your 
surrender in the name of the American people, who 
have called upon our most gracious queen to release 
them from your influence. 

Poor Speech [tauntingly] : Back up your com- 
mands if you can. [Poor Speech and his men draw 
their swords, hut the men are easily ovrrcotne. A 
hitter fight takes place hetween Poor Speech and Bet- 
ter Speech. At first Poor Speech seems to he ivin- 
ning, hut suddenly Better Speech knocks the sword 
from the hand of Poor Speech and stands over him 
with uplifted sword. Sir Success drags Gener(d Mis- 
takes out from hehind the stump of a tree where he 
has heen hiding.] 

Poor Speech: I surrender. You have m^^ at your 
mercy and may do with me as you will. 

Better Speech [loivers sivord] : It is a complete 
surrender then, and you nmst appear before our 
queen to answer for your crimes. 
curtain 

Scene III 
[Throne room of the Queen of the English Lan- 
guage. The qiieen and her attendaitts oiter.] 

Queen: I can hardly wait to hear from our 
knights that have gone forth to battle for the purity 
of our language. Sometimes I fear that evil ma}' 



THE DOWNFALL OF POOR SPEECH » 

overtake them and all that we have gained this week 
may be lost. 

Eefinement: Nay, your majesty, I believe that 
we can trust to the valor of our knights as well as to 
the loyalty of the American people, now that the 
power of Poor Speech has been broken, to drive him 
from the land. 

Page [enters ruuuing] : Your majesty, I am the 
bearer of a message from your brave knights. They 
are now on their way to the court with their cap- 
tives—Poor Speech and his followers. They have won 
a complete victory. 

Queen : That is the best news that you could have 
brought. I can scarcely believe that the hard-fought 
battle is at last won ; it seems too good to be true. 

Culture: What a splendid victory it is, your 
majesty. 

Queen: Yes, it is worth the long struggle that 
we have had with Poor Speech, to know that he is, 
conquered and will no longer be allowed to persuade 
the people to mar the beauty of our language. [Enter 
knights leading their captives.] 

Better Speech [kneeling in front of the queen's 
throne] : Your majesty, we have defeated the enemy 
and brought him captive to your court. What is 
your majesty's wish? 

Queen [excitedly rising from throne] : Oh, Bet- 
ter Speech, this is, indeed, a happy day for me and 
for our entire court. Once more the English Lan- 
guage is freed from the influence of Poor Speech and 
will reign supreme over our land. 

Sir Clear Thinking: What shall be done with 
the prisoners, your majesty? 



10 THE DOWNFALL OP POOR SPEECH 

Slang [cxcitcdhj] : Your majesty, if you'll only 
let me go this time, I'll cut out the slang. [All look 
horror-stricken.] WJiat's the matter? \He suddenly 
comprehends tchat lie has suAd.\ I mean I — I won't 
use slang anymore. 

Slovenly Thinking : Give me one mor(^ chance, 
O queen, and I'll prove my loyalty to you. 

Queen : What say you, Poor Speech ? 

Poor Speech : You have avou the fight, your 
majesty. Do with me as you will. 

Queen [rising] : I sentence each and every one 
of you to be loyal servants of Better Speech. May 
the time soon come, as come it will, when you will 
rejoice that Better Speech has won this fight and the 
purity of the English Language is not threatened. 

CURTAIN 



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(a) 



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(b) 



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AUNT JANE VISITS SCHOOL. By Jeannette Joyce. Any number of males and 

females. Aunt Jane spends a moruiug in a modern school. A roaring farce. 
AUNT JERUSHA AND UNCLE JOSH. By Effie I/iuise Koogle. 1 male, 2 

females. These ccceutiic folks visit the school, producing no end of fun. 
AUNT LUCINDA STAYS. By Willis N. Bucbee. 2 males. 2 females. Two darky 

characters make lots of fun. Clever and clean. 
"BEAT IT!" By Willis N. Buirbce. r{ males, 1 female. A scolding wife makes 

trouble for everybody, the parson included. Oceans of fun. 
BETTY AND BETSY. By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 females. Betsy was 

advertised for sale, but he wanted Betty. Bright and pretty. 
THE BUGTOWN BAND. By Archibald Humboldt. 4 males, 1 female. More 

fun than you can imagine, and a little music which anybody can make. 
THE BUZZVILLE N"E\VS. By Bffie Louise Koogle. 2 males. 1 female. A breezy 

conversation l^etween the manager and new editor. A sure hit. 
DOT ENTERTAINS. By Elizabeth F. Guptill. 1 male, 1 female. Dot entertains 

her big sister's beau, and the things she tells him are a plenty. A big success. 
THE GOOSE FE.\THERBED. By Willis N. Bugbee. 4 males, 1 female. A 

dandy little play for Irish and eccentric characters. Easy and amusing. 
HASTE MAKES WASTE. By Harriette Wilbur. 3 males. Young drug clerk 

grabs the wrong battle, and learns that haste makes waste. 
IN A DOCTOR'S OFFICE. By Jeannette Joyce. 4 males, 6 females. A laugh- 
able take-off on the specialist of today, in which some of the follies of humanity 

ace exposed. 
LAUGHTER AND SONG. By Archibald Humboldt. 3 males. 4 females. Comic 

dialog interspersed with jolly songs, making a continuous funny story, 
LOOK OUT FOR HEZEKIAH. By Louise R. Bascora. 3 males. 1 female. Hay- 
seed parents visit college dean, fcjpleudid opportunity for clever acting. 
THE LUNATIC OR THE PROFESSOR. By Louise R. Bnscom. 2 males, 2 

females. Lunatic mistaken for brain specialist ; hard on the lunatic. Great. 
MORE TIME OUT. By Carolyn F. Rice. 7 females. An amusing comedy dealing 

with the servant problem. The characters are .strongly contrasted. Effective. 
NO PEDDLERS ADMITTED. By .Teannette .Toyro. 2 males. 1 female. The 

busy man intended not to buy, but the i)eddler had a suave manner. 
A PROPOSAL IN GRANDMA'S DAY. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 2 fe- 
males. Full of fun. 
"OH, YOU TEACHER!" By C. A. Donaldson. 8 males. 4 females. A splendid 

comedy of school life, showing the amateur teacher's trials. Suited for schools. 
ONE ON THE AGENT. By Ty)uise Rand Bascora. 1 male. 1 female. A clever 

skit, bright with telling repartee. Recommended for all occasions. 
THE "PHYSICAL TORTURE" CLUB. By W. N. Bugbee. 2 m.. 2 f. Physical 

culture exercises for which Ma is too stout and Pa is too rheumatic; funny. 
RASTUS BLINK'S MINSTRELS. By E. L. Koogle. For any number. His 

"Kinky Koons" are killing; jolliest minstrel show ever; deluge of drollery, 
"SCAT!" By Louise Rand Bascom. 1 male. 1 female. Cunning attempt of an 

old maid to prove her youth. Very laughable. 
SEEING THE ANIMALS. By Clara J. Denton. 1 male, 2 females. A swell 

hotel clerk, a suffragette and a spoiled child make a lively time. A hit. 
THE SQUASHVILLE FIRE BRIGADE. By W. N. Bugbee. 3 males. 2 females, 

and other firemen, if desired ; bright and snappy ; easy and clever. 
THE STUPID WITNESS. By Archibald Humboldt. 3 males. The lawyer and 

witness lock horns and have an awful time, but it's fun for the audience. 

Swift and keen. 
THE TRAIN LEAVES IN TEN ]\nNUTES. By L. R. Bascom. 1 male, 2 

females. Will they catch the train? The suspense is punctured by fun and wit. 
THE TRAIN TO MORROW. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 2 females. Con- 
fusion in a railway station. Strikingly funny, 
THE TRAVELING PHOTOGRAPHER. By Kate Alice White. 3 males, 2 

females. He unexpectedly visits a farmer's family. All work is stopped and 

they pose for the picture. 
AN UP-TO-DATE PROPOSAL. By .Jeannette Jo.vce. 2 males. 2 females. 

Will keep the audience interested every minute. Effective when used with 

"A Proposal in Grandma's Day," but each complete in itself. 
WANTED: A LICENSE TO WED. By Elizabeth F. Guptill. 2 males, 1 female. 

Humorous situation resulting from a misunderstanding. Irish dialect, 

<c) 



■Pi 

015 793 065 5 



Patriotic Entertainments 

THE COMPLETE FLAG BOOK. Contains plays, dialco drills, songs, exercises, 

information concerning origin and history of the flag, el 
THE CONTEST OF THE NATIONS. Revised to da LIBRPRY OF CONHPrQC 

cantata. 13 females. Goddess of Liberty and 12 nat: ^^ '-"nuKt^b 

crown. Very effective. S^c. 
EXEMPTION. Playlet in one act. 2 males, 8 females 

object to their husbands' enlisting, converted by a let 
FOR LIBERTY'S SAKE. 4 m., 6 f. Patriotic play ii 

luctaiitly gives up her boy; he answers his country's ca 

fice is made, she, with a clearer vision, renews her al. 
A GUN DRILL. An up-to-the-minute drill for sixteen 

a drill master. Gives drill formations and manual of i 
THE MAN WITHOUT A COUNTRY. A faithful aramauzanwu ^. 

Everett Hale's well-known story ; dramatic scenes ; five acts full of patriotic 

fervor, lovalty to country, etc. 35c. 
THE MELTING POT, or THE AMERICANIZATION OF THE STRANGERS 

WITHIN OUR GATES, introduces Uncle Sam, a Boy Scout, American school- 
room. Splendid climax. 35c. 
OUR OWN BELOVED AMERICA. Unique patriotic exercise. Presents the cos- 
mopolitan character of Americans. Characters required: the reader and male 

representative for each country. 25c. 
"OVER HERE." A musical patriotic proffram in which any number of boys and 

girls ma V take part, and explain in oriuiual songs their share in war work. 25c. 
PATRIOTIC AND OTHER EXERCISES. Contains patriotic exercises and an 

abundance of humorous and plea^ins recitations suitable for any time. 25e. 
SHOUTING THE BATTLE CRY OF "FEED 'EM." Patriotic play for children. 

United States Farmer, Farm Hands and Products welcome Family of Nations, 

assuring abundance for all. 25c. 
THE SPY AT ST. AGNES. 12 females. Three-act patriotic play full of dramatic 

possibilities. Tlie heroine compromi-<es herself, but proves her loyalty. 35c. 
THE STARS AND STRIPES JUBILEE. Spectacular entertainment. Introduces 

Uncle Sam, Columbia and representatives. Includes march, striking solos and 

choruses. 7 males. 28 females. 35c. 
UNCLE SAM'S BRIGADE. Camping scene, bright songs, spicy dialog. Finale 

of national airs and tableaux. Any number of l>oys and Uncle Sam. 25c. 
UNCLE SAM'S RIGHT ARM. Uncle Sam marshals his forced and calls to his aid 

bovs and girls who represent Soldiers, Sailors, Farmers. Thrift Stamps, etc. 25c. 
THE "WAR CHEST." Filled with material for every ''patriotic program. A 

collection of plays, drills, songs and recitations. 35c. 
WITH TRUMPET AND DRUM. A patriotic compendium. Collection of practical 

recitations, stirring dialogs, inspiring songs and other exercises. 40c. 



Patriotic Songs 



AMERICA FOR ME. New patriotic song. Wonderfully stirring and inspiring. 35c. 

EMBLEM OF FREEDOM. A flag song with plenty of action. A fitting tribute 
to Old Glory. Solo or chorus. 35c. 

PATRIOTIC PEP. A rousing new song that sparkles with "pep" and vim. Brimr 
ful of dash and inspiration. A capital march. 35c. 

THE SAILOR LAD. A new march song. Ringing with patriotism, enthusiastic 
in sentiment, possessing an irresistible swing. 35c. 

WAVE OLD GLORY. A patriotic song with rousing chorus. A splendid march- 
ing song. 35c. 

WRAP ME IN THE DEAR OLD FLAG, BOYS. Suitable for any patriotic 
occasion. May be sung as solo or rendered as a musical recitation. 35c. 



Monologs 



THE DAYS THAT ARE GONE and SCHOOL DAYS, with lesson talks. These 

two monologs will be welcomed by those who want something of unusual merit. 

15c. 
MRS. HYDEBOUND'S VIEWS ON ECONOaiY. An elderly matron gives Mrs. 

Newlywed advice. Dialect. I5c. 
'LIZA ON SUFFRAGE. She cleans the oflBce, but knows more about suffrage than 

any one concerned. Negro dialect. 15c. 
THE TRAIN STARTS. Johnny is leaving on his first trip, but he gets homesick 

before the train starts. 15c. 
WHAT SHE SAW AT THE GAME. A young matron, her husband and small 

son attend the game. Very entertaining. 15c. 

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